Venting to friends? It can backfire, but study finds effective way

Venting is common in most social interactions, wherein the person opens up to the listener to express their frustrations, anxieties, and even grievances regarding others. Typically, venting has always been considered as purging off intense emotions, to feel better, as a good form of emotional release. A study published in Evolution and Human Behavior elaborated on venting and dived into a newer perspective of venting, viewing it as a nuanced social tool. People can feel closer and more connected through venting, but it comes with a condition.
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Venting is a common way to express frustrations. Despite the mainstream belief that venting alleviates strong emotions, the researchers say otherwise. The lead author of the research, Jaimie Krems, an associate professor of psychology at UCLA and director of the UCLA Center for Friendship Research, explained, “It can feel good to vent, but venting doesn’t reliably decrease anger and sometimes even amplifies anger.” This circled back to the frequent venting in social interaction, which pointed to venting more as a technique to garner support from friends, going beyond the traditional understanding of ‘emotional release.’ It serves a social function to strengthen the relationship.
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Venting is more complicated than one may believe to be. Venting often leads the listener to show understanding and empathy toward the person venting their frustrations, while at the same time, developing a negative view of the individual being discussed.
But again, it’s like walking a tightrope; precarious and delicate. When the person venting, begins to use harsh language, with strong insults, there’s a disconnect for the listener. The use of bitter language feels more vindictive, malicious, and aggressive, making the listener feel less close to the person venting.
Moreover, venting has to be genuine, and not rooted in rivalry or jealousy. It makes the listener feel less connected with the speaker. By making venting more sincere and raw, devoid of any ulterior motive, friendship can be enriched. Venting creates a safe space in a relationship, where the speaker and the listener feel close based on mutual understanding and empathy. The valuable benefits of venting do not come to fruition if it is perceived as aggressive or jealous, filled with awful, rude remarks.
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